Ever wonder what it’s like to make out with Anne Hathaway, Nicole Kidman or, for you ladies out there, Fabio? It must literally feel like licking one of humanity’s greatest mouths.

Moisten your lips. Close your eyes. Tilt your head forward. Open your mouth slightly. Now ... Open-your-eyes-pull-your-face-back-and-shut-your-mouth because chances are, ladies and gentlemen, you’re not coming within miles of Anne Hathaway’s, Nicole Kidman’s or Fabio’s lips.

Likewise, Ivy League schools are virtually as untouchable. But instead of being guarded by big, bad bodyguards (Fabio doesn’t need bodyguards), Ivy League schools and the like are protected by a series of traps requiring tens and thousands of dollars and résumés signed by former U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan to disarm them.

Who wouldn’t want to lick the cream of the crop in education this country has to offer? After all, it’s not WSU professors John and Jane Smith on TV every day. It’s the likes of Harvard political science professor Joseph Nye from whom we seek knowledge.

After reading several Princeton student editorials from their student newspaper, it has now dawned on me: I’m out of my league. It doesn’t take a genius to realize the writing prowess or comprehension aptitude of an Ivy Leaguer is likely better than yours or mine.

Ivy League schools can drop Benjamins to book intellectual elites to speak at their universities every other week.

For WSU on the other hand, Ron Jeremy will do this semester.

Nothing against them, they’ve worked their asses off after all. They deserve the top-tier education they’re getting.

If college is a competition and this is American Gladiators, I must say it feels like our half of the Eliminator feels rigged.

But I don’t want to feel sorry for myself. Am I wrong to feel helpless and figuratively handicapped? I mean WSU isn’t perfect, but it can’t be all that bad, can it?

Well, now that I think about it, one of my professors is a graduate of Princeton. That’s a start. And hey, once in a while WSU is able to book reputable star speakers like Tom Brokaw and Naomi Tutu (I suppose Ron Jeremy fits into that category as well, though maybe star speaker isn’t the right title for him).

Maybe I’m pointing the finger in the wrong direction. Maybe sulking over the fact there’s someone more privileged out there than I am is a waste of time. Maybe I should’ve been working my ass off in high school so I wouldn’t feel like I got a raw deal (no offense WSU). Better yet, maybe I should be working my ass off right now because maybe, just maybe, valuable and useful aren’t fed to us with a silver spoon.

When people complain about the mainstream media, it’s to say it’s impossible to educate oneself about the issues in the election when all we hear about is the politics of politics. But I’ve come to the realization that I couldn’t be more wrong. It’s not the media’s fault. It’s my fault. The problem is the majority of people just don’t have the tolerance to sit and watch C-SPAN and watch old pasty white people (minus a few) sit and talk about well ... the issues. We’d genuinely rather hear about the wide stances of our senators.

WSU isn’t perfect by any stretch but there are legitimate means to which we can reach worthwhile ends. Ever heard of a library? Visiting a professor during office hours? I think Ivy League schools have those things, too. Do you think Anne Hathaway or Fabio is going to show up at your dorm one night?

Dream on, buddy. Some things in life might seem unfair and impossible at times, but that’s no excuse not to go out and try.