Pullman, such a wonderful place. Pullman, ain’t no passing craze. It’s our philosophy for your bachelor’s degree. It means extreme boredom for your college days … but it doesn’t have to.

Pullman is a breeding ground for procrastination.

If you are a freshman, you are probably stoked to find that many college classes don’t call roll. This, of course, means that you can skip class without immediate repercussions. On top of that, you are probably wondering what you will be doing while not actively completing homework.

Have no fear, for I have all the answers to these extremely important questions.

Before I get started however, I need to make a quick disclaimer: “The Daily Evergreen does not condone procrastination of any kind. Nor does it encourage poor attendance.” With that said, let me jump right in.

The most valuble tool of procrastination has been – and probably will be for quite some time – Facebook. Who doesn’t want to take a five-hour “break” on college’s favorite social-networking site?

It is no secret that finding out what angry grunge song best fits your personality and responding to friend requests will never look more appealing than when writing up a lab report.

This is all well and good, but before I continue, I feel the need to make something clear.

Procrastination isn’t about shirking responsibility altogether – it’s about putting off responsibility until the last possible moment. I hope we are clear on this, because I would hate to have professors knocking on my doorstep telling me that I’m responsible for your failing grades.

Back to business.

My favorite excuse to stop working is hunger. Now this might sound a bit “little league” in the grand scheme of great procrastination, but I assure you, it is not. Hunger is a wonderful tool to trick your conscience into practically anything.

For instance, imagine it is 6 p.m. on a Sunday night and you have a 10-page paper due the next day. Sadly, you have only written about half of this paper, not including the works cited page.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, you stand up. Your roommate mumbles something like, “Where are you going, I thought you had a big paper due.” You respond, “I do but I’m hungry.” Then you leave the room. You are in the clear, no questions asked. Sounds too simple? Stay tuned.

So, you are out of the residence hall, under the guise of a starving college student. You stop in your tracks. You have a great idea, “How about I invite that guy I met at convocation out to dinner with me?” So you give him a call to find that he has already eaten, but is about to go to Zeppoz bowling alley with some friends. He invites you to go along, and your procrastination light starts blinking.

You think to yourself, “They serve food at Zeppoz.” Before you know it, you don’t get back to your room until after midnight.

This is when coffee makes its grand debut in procrastination land (if you are smart, you’ll buy a coffee-maker for your residence hall room).

With the aid of multiple cups of coffee, you spend the rest of the night writing your paper. Not only will you have successfully procrastinated, but you will have completed your first legendary college all-nighter.

There are many other ways to procrastinate successfully without notice from outside agents, but these are the best three tools for perfect procrastination: Facebook, hunger and coffee. Which reminds me, my mug is empty.